My left ear has been itching off and on for a while now. I clean my ear canals regularly with a cotton swab and a little alcohol. I know, that might be TMI (too much info), but I just wanted to be sure you, dear reader, knew I was practicing good ear hygiene. That said, I believe this itchy ear thing can be cured, but first I must determine the cause of the itch.
Now I have heard it said that an itchy ear means someone is talking about you. Now I suppose this could be true. Are you talking about me right now? Now if I believe this to be true, it means that I have a rather large ego to even believe people are out there talking about me. And if that were true, I mean that someone or someones are talking about me, I must have given them something to talk about. Well, having spent a good deal of time reviewing my recent activities, I cannot imagine anything that I have done that would be fodder for gossip, speculation or even well-deserving admiration. I have, to put it mildly, been living a rather ordinary life of late.
So, if it is not someone talking about me, and I really think it is not, then it must be the result of my second theory: a wild hair. Now everyone knows that as men grow older they begin to lose the hair on their heads and begin to grow hair out their ears and noses. Gross as this may seem, (and rest assured I am not trying to gross you out in this attempt to sleuth out the solution to this somewhat absurd mystery), it is just a fact of life. It is, of course, one that can be easily remedied by againg practicing maticulous personal hygiene. Let me assure you that I do indeed regularly trim both nose and ear hairs as stated above. So, there, you see, that is not the cause of this ear itch thing.
So this is how I have come to the following conclusion. People are indeed talking about me! How delightful! Of course people talk about others all the time. I am just one of those that pop into conversations now and then and that is just how it is. I never thought about it much until now, but even as I write this, people are out there in the world, living their lives, going about their business and I really have no idea at all what they are doing or who or what they are talking about. All I can say is that it is the human condition. We go about living our lives parallel and perpendictular to each other. Sometimes we encounter each other and then eventually go our separate ways again. So I suppose it would be only natural to talk about each other while apart and cause the occasional ear itch phenomenon.
The best of this "bi-natural" theory though is that there is a wild hair in my ear and it itches...or that I just have the proverbial "wild hair" that causes an itch now and then and it manifests itself symbollicly and literally in my ear! I love this idea. I like the idea of having a wild hair now and then that inspires me to just do something just for the fun or the heck of it. Spontaneity is the spice of life. It can take you places you might never actually plan to go. The wild hair, either real, as in my ear, or metaphoric, as in the old saw sense, is welcomed by me.
So talk about me all you like. It helps my existential angst to know that my existance might cause someone to talk about it and me and that I therefore do exist. And knowing that I do, indeed, exist, gives me the zeal needed to follow the occaisional wild hair where ever it may lead.
Additional thought and muse: Please don't tell me that the wild hair is actually the wild hare. I much prefer the first spelling in this case. Of course, if it is the second, then I guess like Alice in Wonderland, following the wild hare would lead to amazing adventures just as it led her down the rabbit hole.
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