End of July

July always goes by too fast for me.  Perhaps it is because I spend so much time thinking about the 25th of July, my birthday.  I feel excitment and anticipation as "my day" approaches while also feeling dread and regret.  The excitment comes from knowing my dear friends and family, acquaintences and the like will all be more attentive on that day and those around it.  We will celebrate my having come into the world.  The dread and regret comes when I think about getting older and how life is passing by so rapidly and I start to realize I haven't accomplished everything in my life I thought I might.

It is a real mixed bag of emotions for me in July.  

Then the 25th passes and the end of the month rushes in.  July is over and August begins and soon it will be Labor Day, Halloween, Thanksgiving in a blink of the eye.  Christmas and New Year's and then another year begins.  My how the time speeds up year after year.  And July is the fastes month of the year, for me any way.

So I survive every year and thank my lucky stars I am alive and can celebrate another year on earth.  I look back and realize things have not been all that bad...just not super-star brilliant.  When I was a kid, I dreamed of being someone, someone famous I suppose.  It would just happen.  Never worked on it.  Just got by.  And that's not so bad.  I have many people who care about me as much as I care about them.  I have a comfortable life and am free to do much of what I want to do.  

I am happy...overall.

So I say goodbye to another July.  August will be here in a few short hours.  Now that I think back on the past thirty one days, I haven't fallen into the usual ruminations about what is the meaning of life or where I am I headed.  I actually am fairly content.  And there is still time to live my life as I intended.  

I need to make a list...a bucket list, maybe?  No, a list. I do better when I can see my intentions in writing.  I think I will work on that in August.  August can be a very long month.