I have this habit of dreaming bigger than my ambition. In other words, I want to do so much but my drive veers toward the curb. "Curb Your Enthusiasm" could be the title for my life if it weren't already taken. And really, enthusiasm is not the problem. I have that. I just don't have the get-up-and-go. Yet I don't think I'm lazy. Could it be motivation I lack?
I have a list of projects I plan to work on every day. But by the time I get up, feed the dogs, the cat, the bird, the chickens, walk the dogs, water the outdoor plants and whatever else, I have lost my forward motion. What happens? Before I know it, it is time for Jeopardy.
I
do well with lists. I need to make lists of all these things. I also
do well with instant gratification. If I were to tell you that I wrote a
chapter in my book, would you read it and give me praise? If I caught
up on my filing, would you pat me on the back and say "Good job"? Would
I get a standing ovation if I finally updated all the church brochures
and successfully led the associate pastor search committee to the
location of a "good fit" person? Stop, I know you would if I needed it
or asked for it. Sometimes I get the kudos I think I need. When I get
those kudos, though, I think, now did you do it because it was something
you wanted to do and would have done in any case because it brings me
pleasure and recognition is the icing on the cake that you really don't
need to eat?
So
it is the cake I work for. Something for the body and soul. The icing
may be nice, but it is not necessary and can give you cavities, and
surely it adds to your middle. And getting back to those spinning
wheels, well, slowly I will apply the pressure to the accelerator and
keep one foot on the brake. After all, knowing when to go forward and
when to stop and when to get out of the car is probably the most
important skill anyone in their own driver's seat needs to master.
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