Nothing like a quiet evening home alone. Turn off the TV. Fend off the chill from a slow moving cold front. Listen to the light rain outside. Watch the dogs curled up together, slowly breathing, occasionally twitching. The cat purrs in my lap. The birds settled down for the night. Time to catch up on some reading. Letters, newspapers, bills. A book I have been trying to get back to. With the doors and windows closed tight, even the cars driving by on the rain-slicked streets are muted reminders of how life continues to just pass by.
In the quiet I can hear myself think; something I have not stopped to do in some time. When I pause and reflect, memories flood in like a rush of water filling the reservoirs of my mind. Childhood memories, my parents smiling while holding me in their arms. My grandparents trudging through the snow to get to our front door on Christmas morning. The day I left Michigan for California. The births and the deaths, anniversaries and separations. A long career. A short romance. All dance through my head in the silence of the evening as I wait for the ice cream to melt slightly just the way I like it; my treat before going to bed.
I have grown used to living alone, with my "kids", with my memories, with my still firm belief I will succeed. It is not so bad being here, alone. In fact, I am not sure I would seek to change that. Not to say I am not open to whatever new relationship experiences may come my way. But for now I am content. This evening, sitting here with everyone I know or have ever known, with me in spirit, warming my heart; how could I ever be lonely? This feeling will be preserved for future reference. This is a place I can return to. Here is where I will retreat to commune with all the saints and the souls who have contributed to who and what I am tonight.
In the quiet I can hear myself think; something I have not stopped to do in some time. When I pause and reflect, memories flood in like a rush of water filling the reservoirs of my mind. Childhood memories, my parents smiling while holding me in their arms. My grandparents trudging through the snow to get to our front door on Christmas morning. The day I left Michigan for California. The births and the deaths, anniversaries and separations. A long career. A short romance. All dance through my head in the silence of the evening as I wait for the ice cream to melt slightly just the way I like it; my treat before going to bed.
I have grown used to living alone, with my "kids", with my memories, with my still firm belief I will succeed. It is not so bad being here, alone. In fact, I am not sure I would seek to change that. Not to say I am not open to whatever new relationship experiences may come my way. But for now I am content. This evening, sitting here with everyone I know or have ever known, with me in spirit, warming my heart; how could I ever be lonely? This feeling will be preserved for future reference. This is a place I can return to. Here is where I will retreat to commune with all the saints and the souls who have contributed to who and what I am tonight.
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