For Day Nineteen: "Say thank you to the person who taught you how to say 'I'm sorry.'"
I honestly don't remember who taught me to say "I'm sorry." Was it my mother? My grandmother? Father? A teacher? The neighbor? I do remember an incident involving a neighbor lady. Her son was one of my best friends when we were about five or six. I remember we were wrestling on the lawn and I somehow hurt him in the free-for-all. It was not aggressive, just fun as I remember, like boys do at that age. Anyway, she was very upset and made me say I was sorry and then sent me home to think about it. We weren't to play with each other for a day or two (who remembers really?). That is the first incident that jumps out at me.
But really, I think it was just a thing I learned to do. I was a fairly sensitive kid. I really didn't want to hurt anyone or any living creature. Well, I have to say I did stomp on ants and mess up their anthill now and then. And sometimes I would poke my brother just to see if he would get upset. Limits were tested, but I was never really all that rebellious. I do now and then drift back to my teen-age years and wish I could apologize to my parents for being so sarcastic and judgemental. I do think they lived long enough to know I was not really that kid who was raging with hormones and growing pains.
But just in case, I am sorry.
And I say thank you.
I have learned that it is best to just apologize. Excuses and explanations can come if asked for, but the truth is, if you are not sorry, they will know. And your excuses and explanations will confirm that. I have also learned that once you say you are sorry, truly sorry, you must surrender to the consequences. There may be none, but that is beyond your control. You are at the mercy of the person you offended. And I it is okay, in fact appropriate to ask if they can forgive you. Again, you may not be forgiven. But that is not in your control. Consequences again.
Finally, it is very important that you appreciate and recognize the pain you caused or that they felt. Empathy is a skill that must be developed. You know how you feel. But it is important to recognize how others feel because of what you did or did not do. As Elton John sang, "Sorry seems to be the hardest word."
But say it when you truly are.
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