Shining Through

I looked up from the hammock and saw the sun shining through my sycamore tree.  It was one of those epiphany moments in my life.  I was getting back to what was my truth, my personal vision of how my life should be.  No, it was not that I saw myself lying in the hammock lazily reading a book with my dog companions Tater Tot at my side and Ching Ching between my legs asleep.  Although that is indeed close to a halcyon existence, that is not what I realized in that moment.

I realized that I had dominion over my emotions.  I could choose to feel abandoned or less-than or I could move along and know, as a good friend told me yesterday, it is not all about me, not about me at all.  Some things, some people, some situations just are.

I had bristled at the thought that he thought I thought it was all about me.  (Love that sentence!) Of course I didn’t think that.  I am not the center of the universe.  I learned that a long time ago.  But then it hit me went he went on to say I had been sounding a bit like Winnie the Pooh’s Eeyore.

"Eeyore," said Owl, "Christopher Robin is giving a party."
"Very interesting," said Eeyore. "I suppose they will be sending me down the odd bits which got trodden on. Kind and Thoughtful. Not at all, don't mention it."

At first I thought I brayed like a donkey, but then I realized he meant I was sounding a bit down, a trace depressed, and just a dash too sorry for myself.  Oh, how the truth can sting!  But instantly I knew that was not what I intended to show at all!  I just wanted some validation for what I was feeling.  And for some reason, his comment validated it.  Not sure what part, but, really, when someone calls you an “Eeyore”, you pay attention.

This past month I have been looking inward.  It has been a time of introspection and reflection.  I knew something was off, but I wasn’t sure what it was.  I wrote morning pages, I took long walks.  I went to town and to sea, to the mountain and to the mall.  I looked high and low.  I read a book, the newspaper and Facebook.  And finally I just laid back, let go, and looked up.  That was all I needed to do all along.  And now things are indeed looking up.  Its okay to get into your inner blue donkey now and then, but it is not okay to stay there.

As Winnie the Pooh so aptly said, “You can't stay in your corner of the Forest waiting for others to come to you. You have to go to them sometimes.”