So How's That Working for You?*

*This post inspired by a blog posted by my friend Dian P.

Well once again I have done it.  What you say?  I have gone to the same abandoned well, the well that dried up years ago and dropped a bucket in anyway.  Of course the bucket hit the dry bottom and, well, when I pulled it back up, it was empty.  Not a drop.  Why do I do this?  Why do I go to the same dry well and try to get what I know is not there?

It's like trying to get blood from a turnip. But I don't care for turnips, so I won't go there.

Seriously, though.  Just when I think I have learned that lesson, the lesson that inspiration cannot be found where there is none, I find myself trying again.  And then the voice in my head says (sounding a lot like Dr. Phil on TV), "How's that working for you?"

How is that working for me?  Not working at all, of course.  I know that some fights are not worth fighting.  There is no way to win. None at all.  The only winning comes in reclaiming my sanity, my dignity and moving on.  And yet something pulls me back in.  And just like stepping into quicksand, the struggle to get out starts again.

Albert Einstein had it right.  "Doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results" is the definition of insanity.  And it is true, you cannot be restored to health until you admit you have a problem and need help.  Twelve step rule number one:  Admitted we were powerless over our ______ (fill in the blank) - that our lives had become unmanageable.  Until you know you have a problem, you cannot hope to overcome it.

So when will I stop doing the same thing over and over and expect different results?  Well, I am better than I used to be.  And I do recognize that somethings just are not going to change, so I release and let go.  I continue to participate in what are sometimes crazy-making situations, but now I know they are just that: crazy making.  And then I remember what I hope to accomplish and, because I am a little insane I guess, refuse to give up that hope.

"Once you choose hope, anything's possible."  ~Christopher Reeve

I choose hope...no matter how impossible the odds.